making peace

most of my students are really cool. they bring me laughter and forget that i'm working for a soulless profit machine like GEOS. they make me think that maybe i am doing something for the greater good, while at the same time making me feel bad that they were sucked into all this by glossy brochures and the stealth sales training programmes that all of the managers undergo.

other students however, become the bane of my existence.

there's one in particular, let's call her "Sayuri."

when i first came here, she invited me to all of her parties, she brought me cake and whatnot as presents. being a somewhat reserved person, i thanked her as best i knew how. but i guess that wasn't enough for her. she expected the uber-genki foreigner reaction, she wanted someone like my predecessor. but i am not that person.

so, she did what every other student does when they spend their days taking shit from employers and customers--they take full advantage of their position as "customer" of GEOS, and complained to my manager. about me.

most of what she said had fuck all to do with my teaching style; it had everything to do with my personality. as it confirmed every insecurity i'd had about myself since arriving in Japan almost a year earlier, i was... let's say displeased. there was tension between us ever since then, which culminated on my birthday of all days, when i presented a her with a bottle of wine to apologize for a transgression that was actually her fault, but that's just the kind of good sport i am. she responded to my gesture by literally pushing the wine bottle away, leading me to teach the entire hour class on the verge of tears.

that was my breaking point. she was essentially pissed that i wouldn't kiss her ass and treat her as if she were the most fascinating cunt on the planet. she wasn't. i couldn't give less of a damn about Sayuri's flower arranging license or her work schedule. she wanted to quit? fine. let her quit. i just wanted her out.

but a strange thing happened during the last class. i observed her giving advice to a high school student (who, incidentally i adore). i watched her, with her maternal instinct, the sadness that must linger over the death of her husband fifteen years ago, the nature of her life... and for somne reason i just felt sorry for her. i thought she must act the way she does for a reason. maybe it has something to do with the fact that i'm leaving the company and won't have to deal with her anymore... or maybe it has something to do with the thing Miho, my mentor and my guardian angel in japan once told me--you have to love your students. even if they're a pain in the ass sometimes.