i hate the summer. at least in Japan, i do. it's a weird thing to say for someone who comes from a place that's covered with snow for 5 months out of the year. but in Kyushu it's as if the life force drains out of me along with the sweat, and any cleansing cold showers i take are useless, as the grit and dirt of melancholy stick to my body and refuse to evapourate into the sticky mass of the air, because it can't take any more.
i will be 25 in less than 2 months. i promised myself i wouldn't get depressed about it; in fact the thought hadn't even occurred to me until now. but 25. i should be ... you know, established or something. established as what, that's a damn good question that i don't even begin to know the answer to. yeah, i'm an english teacher and i'm employed and don't even live in the same country as my parents let alone the same house but.... for some reason it's not enough for anyone. i thought it was enough for me, but maybe i was wrong. maybe i'm not strong enough not to succumb to all that crap. all that buying a house and picking out bridesmaid dresses and getting stock options with your giant fortune 500 company employer the hybrid vehicle to show how responsible you are the cheerful abandonment of the sheer unabashed cheeky cockiness of your university days when you were going to change the fucking world and look good doing it.....
choose life.....
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Chris, I think you are something at 25. I am impressed with how long you have been living in Japan and I think teaching English to others is important. Oh, wait, I did that, too. :)
I can also pop my shoulder out of its socket... but that is my left shoulder. ;)
In one month, it will have been 5 years since we met in Cologne. I feel old!
take care, Andi
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