Japanese pop culture can be a wasteland to Japanophiles and expat syndromites alike. everything is very sugar-coated, but the same can just as easily be said about US pop culture. at least this one is new and foreign and sugar coated to me.
but man, j-pop really grates on my ass sometimes. the only pop i have more contempt for is the US brand of it. yeah, i'm an indie snob to the core. get used to it.
ohh but Japanese indie... *drool. it's even better than euro or American indie. it's as if... once you find the good in Japan (in the music landscape and overall i mean), you appreciate that so much more. i am practically obsessed with stuff like Melt Banana, Guitar Wolf, Fullrangecaution, Mono, and Cornelius (the Tokyo DJ i've stumbled upon today that prompted this entry). that seems to be the essence of Japan to foreigners, the endless mandala search--sifting through unburied power lines and big boxes to find a splendid shrine, or having one's ear canals assaulted by saccharin pop daily and then finding a band that is so distinctly itself that the old and familiar things from home pale in comparison. getting your hands dirty and finding gold.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Friday, December 08, 2006
making peace
most of my students are really cool. they bring me laughter and forget that i'm working for a soulless profit machine like GEOS. they make me think that maybe i am doing something for the greater good, while at the same time making me feel bad that they were sucked into all this by glossy brochures and the stealth sales training programmes that all of the managers undergo.
other students however, become the bane of my existence.
there's one in particular, let's call her "Sayuri."
when i first came here, she invited me to all of her parties, she brought me cake and whatnot as presents. being a somewhat reserved person, i thanked her as best i knew how. but i guess that wasn't enough for her. she expected the uber-genki foreigner reaction, she wanted someone like my predecessor. but i am not that person.
so, she did what every other student does when they spend their days taking shit from employers and customers--they take full advantage of their position as "customer" of GEOS, and complained to my manager. about me.
most of what she said had fuck all to do with my teaching style; it had everything to do with my personality. as it confirmed every insecurity i'd had about myself since arriving in Japan almost a year earlier, i was... let's say displeased. there was tension between us ever since then, which culminated on my birthday of all days, when i presented a her with a bottle of wine to apologize for a transgression that was actually her fault, but that's just the kind of good sport i am. she responded to my gesture by literally pushing the wine bottle away, leading me to teach the entire hour class on the verge of tears.
that was my breaking point. she was essentially pissed that i wouldn't kiss her ass and treat her as if she were the most fascinating cunt on the planet. she wasn't. i couldn't give less of a damn about Sayuri's flower arranging license or her work schedule. she wanted to quit? fine. let her quit. i just wanted her out.
but a strange thing happened during the last class. i observed her giving advice to a high school student (who, incidentally i adore). i watched her, with her maternal instinct, the sadness that must linger over the death of her husband fifteen years ago, the nature of her life... and for somne reason i just felt sorry for her. i thought she must act the way she does for a reason. maybe it has something to do with the fact that i'm leaving the company and won't have to deal with her anymore... or maybe it has something to do with the thing Miho, my mentor and my guardian angel in japan once told me--you have to love your students. even if they're a pain in the ass sometimes.
other students however, become the bane of my existence.
there's one in particular, let's call her "Sayuri."
when i first came here, she invited me to all of her parties, she brought me cake and whatnot as presents. being a somewhat reserved person, i thanked her as best i knew how. but i guess that wasn't enough for her. she expected the uber-genki foreigner reaction, she wanted someone like my predecessor. but i am not that person.
so, she did what every other student does when they spend their days taking shit from employers and customers--they take full advantage of their position as "customer" of GEOS, and complained to my manager. about me.
most of what she said had fuck all to do with my teaching style; it had everything to do with my personality. as it confirmed every insecurity i'd had about myself since arriving in Japan almost a year earlier, i was... let's say displeased. there was tension between us ever since then, which culminated on my birthday of all days, when i presented a her with a bottle of wine to apologize for a transgression that was actually her fault, but that's just the kind of good sport i am. she responded to my gesture by literally pushing the wine bottle away, leading me to teach the entire hour class on the verge of tears.
that was my breaking point. she was essentially pissed that i wouldn't kiss her ass and treat her as if she were the most fascinating cunt on the planet. she wasn't. i couldn't give less of a damn about Sayuri's flower arranging license or her work schedule. she wanted to quit? fine. let her quit. i just wanted her out.
but a strange thing happened during the last class. i observed her giving advice to a high school student (who, incidentally i adore). i watched her, with her maternal instinct, the sadness that must linger over the death of her husband fifteen years ago, the nature of her life... and for somne reason i just felt sorry for her. i thought she must act the way she does for a reason. maybe it has something to do with the fact that i'm leaving the company and won't have to deal with her anymore... or maybe it has something to do with the thing Miho, my mentor and my guardian angel in japan once told me--you have to love your students. even if they're a pain in the ass sometimes.
Monday, December 04, 2006
kanpai
as per usual when i go to one of these things, i sat on the Fukuoka bus watching the suburban sprawl fly by and wonder why it is i'm going again. as much as i sometimes wish there were more social support for people in the outlying areas, i always end up drinking too much, awkwardly sitting by myself and contemplating the fact that the vast majority of these people are not my friends. in all fairness, someone from GEOS became one of my best friends i had here. but she was a rare exception in every sense of the word.
but what would the point be now, i wondered to myself in a sleepy state on the bus. i have real friends in Beppu now, i don't need these things as a Thing to Do anymore, that is i have enough of a social life outside of GEOS that i don't really need to go searching for one-night drinking buddies at some lame company bonding thing. but i had been feeling in a rut lately, and i thought this would give me a chance to revisit my early days here, the tenuous bonds that forge there, the drunken games of "i have never" that go forgotten the next morning along with most people's names in our memories. yeah, that might be worth the sitting and pondering and watching the room spin.
at the beginning of dinner, Tom (one of my trainers) took on the task of proposing the kanpai. the gangly Englishman was already a bit drunk as he lifted the glass to toast. "if this is your first year-end party with GEOS," he announced, "basically the purpose of this party is to get utterly pissed and forget the year. it's behind us. let's wipe the slate clean. kanpai!" the glasses clinked and the foamy beer coarsed down our throats and Tom's words sunk in. forget the year. Tom's cool, but i had always sensed a sort of quiet desperation in him. he told me once that he had initially resigned after 14 months, like me, but ended up taking it back and accepting a promotion. that was 5 years ago. now, here he is, telling us all to forget everything that had happened during the year. surely he meant only work-wise (after all the company is going under), but i can sense such a sadness in him that he wants to drink away everything, everything until he wakes up hung-over in London wondering why in the bloody hell he would have a dream about living in Japan and devoting his life to a company he hates.
as expected, the night consisted of beer, Chinese buffet, me proudly telling my triumphant story of exit to anyone who would listen, getting drunk, breathing in enough secondhand smoke that i might as well just take up the habit, the rancid meat topped with cheap kimchee on revolting slimy rice that is Yoshinoya, and generally feeling like i don't belong.
i do remember sitting at the bar at a place called Dark Room, alternating conversations between some Northern Irish guy whose name i can't remember for the life of me anymore, and Sheffia. Sheffia's one of the people who have been here for an awfully long time, like Tom. unlike Tom however, Sheffia is making her exit in a week. she told me all about how living in Japan can erode a woman's self esteem--not a man's so much, mind you, but a woman's. i wasn't sure what to make of that. "if you are a woman, and a gaijin in Japan," she said, "you are nothing."
i can only hope that what Eleanor Roosevelt said, that "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent" is true in Japan as well.
and that was the GEOS year-end party. wiping the slate clean, forgetting the year, and uniting with one another in our borderline alcoholism and collective hatred for the entity that brought us freedom and yet shackles us. kanpai.
but what would the point be now, i wondered to myself in a sleepy state on the bus. i have real friends in Beppu now, i don't need these things as a Thing to Do anymore, that is i have enough of a social life outside of GEOS that i don't really need to go searching for one-night drinking buddies at some lame company bonding thing. but i had been feeling in a rut lately, and i thought this would give me a chance to revisit my early days here, the tenuous bonds that forge there, the drunken games of "i have never" that go forgotten the next morning along with most people's names in our memories. yeah, that might be worth the sitting and pondering and watching the room spin.
at the beginning of dinner, Tom (one of my trainers) took on the task of proposing the kanpai. the gangly Englishman was already a bit drunk as he lifted the glass to toast. "if this is your first year-end party with GEOS," he announced, "basically the purpose of this party is to get utterly pissed and forget the year. it's behind us. let's wipe the slate clean. kanpai!" the glasses clinked and the foamy beer coarsed down our throats and Tom's words sunk in. forget the year. Tom's cool, but i had always sensed a sort of quiet desperation in him. he told me once that he had initially resigned after 14 months, like me, but ended up taking it back and accepting a promotion. that was 5 years ago. now, here he is, telling us all to forget everything that had happened during the year. surely he meant only work-wise (after all the company is going under), but i can sense such a sadness in him that he wants to drink away everything, everything until he wakes up hung-over in London wondering why in the bloody hell he would have a dream about living in Japan and devoting his life to a company he hates.
as expected, the night consisted of beer, Chinese buffet, me proudly telling my triumphant story of exit to anyone who would listen, getting drunk, breathing in enough secondhand smoke that i might as well just take up the habit, the rancid meat topped with cheap kimchee on revolting slimy rice that is Yoshinoya, and generally feeling like i don't belong.
i do remember sitting at the bar at a place called Dark Room, alternating conversations between some Northern Irish guy whose name i can't remember for the life of me anymore, and Sheffia. Sheffia's one of the people who have been here for an awfully long time, like Tom. unlike Tom however, Sheffia is making her exit in a week. she told me all about how living in Japan can erode a woman's self esteem--not a man's so much, mind you, but a woman's. i wasn't sure what to make of that. "if you are a woman, and a gaijin in Japan," she said, "you are nothing."
i can only hope that what Eleanor Roosevelt said, that "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent" is true in Japan as well.
and that was the GEOS year-end party. wiping the slate clean, forgetting the year, and uniting with one another in our borderline alcoholism and collective hatred for the entity that brought us freedom and yet shackles us. kanpai.
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